For many couples, sexual intimacy is one of the most important aspects of their relationship. Without that (in addition, of course, to chemistry, emotional intimacy, honesty, trust, etc.), a relationship can start to resemble just a really close friendship. It’s easy to stay excited about your partner in the early stages of a relationship, because of the thrill of getting to know someone. Sex itself with someone you’ve fallen in love with recently, excitement enough. But, as often happens, that heart-pounding, palms-sweating, butterflies-in-your-stomach feeling can start to fade.
Don’t get me wrong: the comfortable feeling of being in a healthy and mutually beneficial long-term relationship far outweighs the occasional lapse in bedroom thrills. As WebMD describes, married people tend to enjoy longer and healthier lives, for several reasons: first, there tends to be less risk-taking behavior and abuse of substances among married couples (likely because both partners know they have someone counting on them to stay around for a while); second, a healthy marriage is like a built-in social support; third, a spouse can act as a health-helper, reminding you to do things like floss and see the doctor.
However, as I said above, it is crucially important to maintain an active and exciting sex life for both partners. Here are some ideas for ways to introduce fun new toys and role-play set-ups to your bedroom repertoire.
According to AskAlice, Ben-Wa balls can both strengthen kegel muscles, thereby intensifying orgasm, and provide sexual pleasure themselves. One reviewer at Adam and Eve responded positively to her Ben-Wa experience, writing, “Doing chores while using them made it a lot easier for me orgasm later on.” They can also be fun to use during foreplay, to prepare for stronger and easier-to-achieve orgasm.
Vibrators can similarly be helpful during foreplay, and even during intercourse. Allowing your partner to use a vibrator on you while you just relax and enjoy can be a huge turn-on for both people, and can really bring some fresh excitement and activity to the bedroom. Small, button-operated vibrators are great because you can use them before and during sex and they feel great for both people.
S&M intimidates many couples, and it can indeed be intimidating, but if you communicate beforehand and get into it, it’s a great way to spice up your sex life. Props used in S&M include blindfolds, whips, gags, masks, paddles, and even nipple clamps. Introducing one or two of these props at a time into the bedroom can be a great way to spice things up. S&M is all about one partner having their way with the other, while also giving pleasure to that person. I recommend starting with things like blindfolds, satin tie-ups, and maybe even a whip. Tie up your partner and then try teasing him or her. If you’ve used a vibrator together before, that can be a great tool to use for tease-and-denial. To get really into it, try using a gag or handcuffs.
No matter what stage of a relationship you’re in, bringing fun toys into the bedroom is a great way to keep the love alive. Just remember to be safe, communicate, and have fun!
About the Author
Leslie Nelson is a writer and editor who has been married for three years. In her free time, she enjoys baking, reading, DIY crafts, and brainstorming ways to surprise her husband with new things in the bedroom. She loves talking with other women, both online and in person, about ways to achieve the most satisfying relationship in and out of the bedroom.