If He Abuses Her, Why Does She Stay?

Disclaimer: These are my random thoughts…

How many times have you asked yourself this question? I hope that you have never had to but if you have, why are you asking it? How many times have we heard the…if he abuses you then you need to leave tidbit? Easier said than done right?  Having never been in such a situation of course I would say leave him. But, from my experience as an observer they rarely do.

 I honestly wonder how women or anyone for that matter can withstand being physically abused. I have heard the denial story, I have to stay for my kids, where will I go, what will I do, who will want me etc. But rarely do I hear the, you’re right, I don’t deserve this. I should leave. It really begs the question of self-worth and how little of it women seem to have these days. While you’re saying you will stay for your kids, do you really think it’s better for them to watch you be beat? Because FYI, the message you’re really sending them is that this type of behavior is acceptable.

For women in non-affluent circumstances I can sympathize, as they typically feel trapped by lack of funds or support. However, for women with the essentials to escape their abuser I really don’t understand why they stay. If you have the means and choose to stay why are you staying? Are you so afraid to be alone that being physically abused is an ok price to pay when you look at the alternative?

What this ultimately leads me to believe is that women in this situation want a friend to confide in and sympathize with their situation. I attribute it to women telling their man about a situation not because they want advice but an ear to listen to them. They recognize that there is a problem and do not know how to fix it. They aren’t ready to face the music because they are probably thinking about their role in things. Thoughts like, “this is my fault, I let him beat me, I let him talk down to me, I know he loves me” swirls through their head and they are ashamed, embarrassed, and feel trapped all at the same time.

Often times when giving someone advice on a physical abuse situation I feel like I am wasting my breath because no matter what I say at the end of the day they will do what they want. I wouldn’t think of it as giving up on someone because sometimes you have to tell them something 10 times before they get it. If you’re on the end where you are dispensing the information it can be frustrating and dangerous if you’re not careful. Getting involved in situations like this isn’t ideal because someone usually ends up getting hurt. Although you might be tempted to say “do what you think is best” and be done with it, you have a duty to continue to support your friend and offer them advice to better their situation.


Image: What I Always Was

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