Does His Job Matter?

Often time’s women make these notions about what type of man they want or what their ideal man would have. He drives a certain car, has a certain type of house, a certain type of job and may have xyz. While it does not hurt to dream do you ever wonder if you are limiting yourself by your selection?

Ask yourself this, when is the last time you dated someone and lost interest the moment you found out his occupation? Before you knew his occupation, everything was great and you had a great connection. Then he told you he was a carpenter or worked in construction and you already checked out mentally without giving any further notion of a relationship.

I personally wonder what has changed. In the past being a carpenter or working construction was a respectable profession. Women used to like men who worked with their hands and labored to make something from nothing. All in all this really makes me think back on my own experience with my husband.

When we started dating, he just graduated from college, sold Verizon Fios door to door and drove an older Toyota. Not exactly, what he expected having a 4-year college degree under his belt. From there he went to work for an apartment rental company, which was significantly better, but this job did not provide much upward mobility and the pay was not great.

He moved on to work for a rental car company. At the time, we thought this was a better option but we were wrong. Imagine working 12hr+ days in professional attire, slacks, a dress shirt and tie, washing and vacuuming out cars all day and still drawing up the paperwork to get customers situated in them.  He was literally slaving away 6 days a week and had nothing to show for it. Living paycheck to paycheck was not fun. I think working there was the lowest point for him job wise. So much in fact, he considered the military. This completely threw me off but as his girlfriend, what could I do but support him?

I knew that not everything would be perfect but with the different jobs, he had but I was just glad he had a job at all. I do not think during the time we were dating that I was concerned with his place of employment necessarily because he made it clear that his job choices were not career aspirations. He knew he wanted to advance professionally and these jobs were placeholders. They allowed him to pay his bills and function but were in no way meant to be permanent. Knowing that helped me to support him in his career aspirations even more. Ultimately, he was able to land a position with the government, which has truly turned out to be a blessing. The great thing about this position is that he appreciates it even more because of his past job experience.

To revisit the initial question, I ask again, why does his job matter? Did you grow up in a home where your father was the breadwinner and you feel like in order to have a successful relationship your man must be able to provide for you in such a manner? Is it the security of knowing that he is financially sound and therefore could take care of you? Perhaps you care what you friend’s perceptions and when your girlfriend asks “what does he do” saying “he’s a doctor” rolls off your tongue easier than “he’s in sales”. In my observations of women and dating, I have found that men are comfortable with dating a woman with less education or job prospects while women are not. Women tend to feel that a potential mate should at least be on par in the education/career realm.  Yet and still I have known many a women to date a man who had significantly less than she did in those areas. It is really quite contradicting if you think about it. But typically what we want and what we need is always different.

Moral of the story you ask. Do not judge a book by its cover. When dating it’s easy to get caught up in what he does or doesn’t have but perhaps the better determining factor for whether he is suitable dating material is to ask about his goals and career aspirations. Has he completed college or is he pursuing a degree of higher learning? Has he attended trade school and wanting to perhaps start a business of his own? Do the words match the actions? Many people talk a good game but is there action behind his words? Another consideration is as a woman are you comfortable being the breadwinner? Is he? Are you more concerned with what your family and friends think of his career prospects? Ask yourself these questions and then really decide if his job matters.

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