No one knows everything about dating, but I think I know a thing or two about women and dating. As I observe women strike out or not even step up to the plate, I sometimes wonder what is hurting their dating game or strategy. You would think that women would try a new approach if they realized the old one wasn’t working, right? Below, I list a few common mistakes. Please note that this is not a comprehensive list, but I thought them important to mention.
1. Staying with a man who is abusive (physically or otherwise ): For some reason, some women think a hit here and there or verbal abuse is a sign of love. But it isn’t. Some women are so afraid to be alone that they will accept this because they would rather be with someone than be alone. Some women stay out of fear, economic dependence, low self-esteem, pressure, or cultural or religious reasons. Some have nowhere to go. To you, I say you are better than that. You deserve more and do not have to tolerate such behavior. Know your worth and get out before it’s too late.
2. Expecting too much from him: Some women expect their guy to be their everything. And once they get a man, they don’t have to necessarily do much else and will rely solely on them for financial, emotional, and physical consolation. Sometimes women get caught up with what their man isn’t doing or doesn’t have instead of what he is doing or has. Case in point, let’s say that your man has a great job, a good head on his shoulders, makes you laugh, and has a 5 year plan, yet he doesn’t seem to be connecting to you emotionally. He doesn’t seem engaged when you tell him about the girl at the office taking credit for your work or he doesn’t seem interested in expressing his feelings when you express yours. Is this you? If so, the best thing to do is express this to him, but also recognize that men and women are different. Just because he’s not showing it in the way you expect doesn’t mean he isn’t trying in his own eyes.
3. Assuming he will change: A common mistake many women make is thinking that once they are in a relationship, they can “fix” their man’s each and every flaw. Sure, he might have cheated on all his other exes, but he wouldn’t do that to you. Being in a good relationship can motivate a person to change for the better, but old habits are difficult to break.
4. Accepting his version of commitment: Women are willing to stay with a man who promises them a future. But, because you haven’t required them to show their commitment, you end up with the same man for 10 years with 3 kids and no commitment. If your living comfortably with your boyfriend of 6 years and still wondering why “He hasn’t put a ring on it” maybe its time to ask yourself that question. What standards, goals, or expectations have you set for your relationship and are they being met? If not, it might be time to rethink some things.
5. Dating someone not on your level: Often times, women will date a man who does not have all of their, for lack of a better term “shit” together because they want to “train” them. But, with training comes work and often times women are frustrated by this. Yet, they will continue to date a man who might not be in the same stage of life as them. I don’t think a man needs to have all of his ducks in a row when you start dating him. However, if you have degrees of higher learning, own your own home and car, then chances are that dating someone who might have chosen a different path and is possibly working construction and might not see the value in homeownership can prove to be more difficult because their values and priorities differ.
Let me know your thoughts. Am I spot on or off? I’m sure there are other areas but these are the ones which I chose to highlight.